Wish I was a stone so I couldn't feel You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal
But I'd miss the way we make up and smile Don't wanna be stone, I changed my mind
I wish I had eyes in the back of my head Then I could see the places I've been
But then I would know that you're talking shit I don't wanna know what my friends think
Wish I were my dog out on the lawn I'd be so glad when I hear you come home
But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone
I wish I could act in a show on TV 'Cause then I could practice not being me
I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel But you won't believe me when I cry for real
I wish that my brain would triple in size I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight
But I'd get too deep with that kinda mind I don't wanna know the point of life
In some other life, I would be rich I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill
But couldn't complain 'bout anything small Nobody'd feel bad for me at all
If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack I'd get invited to every frat
But when you get old, and your good days are past You'll only want me when you're sad
Wish I was a song, your favorite one You'd follow the dance to me at your prom
I would be there when your baby is born For two or three minutes, then I'm gone
I wish I was big, as big as my house I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd
But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch God, I could really use him now